Musical Musical Chairs

I'm trying desperately as of late to play catch up/keep up with music released this year. Lately, it's been a bit discouraging. I feel like I'm trudging through a lot, and liking only a little. Most of the time I find myself just wanting to listen to Matt & Kim again. Or to listen to the new Yeah Yeah Yeahs just one more time because it's comfortable and it's grown on me.

Tonight, for instance, I acquired Cymbals Eat Guitars' "Why There Are Mountains", Royksopp's "Junior", and the epic compilation "Dark Was the Night". I only made it halfway through CEG before I gave up. Which is not to say it's bad, it's just new. And new isn't always a good thing. Though I do really want to listen to The Thermals' new album. I have a feeling it's going to be a bit like an old sweater and I'm not going to want to take it off.

A Brief Rant

I am so fucking sick of Shepard Fairey.

Land of the Lost

I don't really sleep anymore. I was sleeping fairly well for awhile, but now I'm back to the regular old routine of it being basically impossible for me to fall asleep. And when I finally do I only sleep for about twenty minutes at which point I wake in a panic and start worrying about the million things I always worry about.

So here I am. I thought about going for a walk but I don't feel like putting on pants. And I'd recreate that whole Jared scene of yesteryear except I don't have any popsicles and it's below freezing outside. I thought about chain smoking but I already feel like I'm going to throw up. So here I am.

I don't really talk about my emotions very much, in person, or otherwise. I think this is probably a character flaw. I feel so constantly bottled up which (irrationally) causes me to resent the people around me. I feel like I'm waiting in an endless line, waiting for my turn to have a breakdown.

I watched the trailer for "Where The Wild Things Are" tonight. I honestly had no interest in the movie until I saw the trailer. It nearly made me cry.

Everyone is a fucking wreck these days.

I guess we'll just have to adjust.

The State of Being Broke (and Possibly Broken)

I sold my tennis racquet today. For $25 dollars. I've been living on absolutely no money lately so it was kind of inevitable, but it was still kind of tough. The guys at the store were looking at it and admitted that it looked like a nice racquet (it's a Prince) but then one of them decided that it probably only retailed for $60 new. He asked me if this was the case and I assured him it cost me $180. Then he told me that it had cheap strings, which I assured him was also untrue. Finally, they decided that the best course of action was to look it up on the internet. They found one, brand new, selling for $140, which makes sense seeing as how it's a year old model. Sadly, I needed the money, so when they offered me $25 I had little choice but to accept the offer.

I figured that since everyone I used to play with moved away it wasn't doing me much good, but still it was hard to let go of. I have a hard time selling any of my sporting equipment, which sounds a bit weird, but it provides some kind of affirmation. I battle with the idea of being seen as less of a man because I'm gay, and having athletic ability somehow eases this worry. Oh, well.

I've been applying endlessly for jobs the last couple months to absolutely no avail. I have a couple leads, but I've had leads before that led absolutely nowhere. It doesn't exactly help that I don't have a phone. Or, you know, that I'm on probation.

In the realm of good news, I found out today that O-Face will be visiting soon. This excites me very much. It'll be good to see someone from the ol' Koppa clan. Also, I get to see Dallas and Eric in a couple of months which will be an enormous emotional breath of fresh air. I miss those kids. I miss everyone, really.

Finally, I was listening to "Oh Sombra!" by Electrelane the other day and took the time to find a translation of the lyrics, as I do not speak Spanish, and am now enamored with the chorus. The translation is as follows (as far as I can tell):

"Oh shadow of relief, that fickle flies, to make what's best in me be what I lack!"

Productivity Returned

I think I may have actually reset my sleep schedule. This morning I woke up at 9:30 as opposed to going to sleep at 9:30. Granted, I'm tired because I didn't sleep for very long, but I also realized that it is far easier to be productive when the sun is up. Instead of laying in bed all day, I went for a walk, fixed my resume, printed a few copies, ran into some people, talked to the owner of Dauphine's about a job, and now I'm blogging, which is something I haven't been motivated to do for quite some time.

Other things:

-  My sleep schedule, and obsession with The O.C. put a damper on my reading. I'm hoping to get back into it.

-  I accidentally started working out again. Travis, Mike, and I had a bit of a wrestling match/brawl that, when combined with trying to teach Travis how to do handstands for 45 minutes, resulted in some considerably sore arms and shoulders. Once that soreness subsided I was enlisted by my landlord to paint my neighbor's apartment. I had forgotten how much I enjoy that dull ache.