Pieces

Today, I was about to complain to someone that I'm going to be single forever, but the words my mind conjured were "I'm going to be gay forever!" At this point I'm vastly at ease with the idea of being single for... ever... I've resigned myself to it. And while I'm also certain that I will not be, I have a hard time imagining myself actually settling down with someone. Which is not to say that I would rather whore around, I'm just completely comfortable being single and honestly feel far less neurotic when I am. Which is saying a lot, and not very much at all. And I think marriage is kind of weird.

I don't want this resignation to be misconstrued as defeat, though. Dating is not out of my control. If I wanted to date someone, I could. But I don't. Not any of these people. I seem to be encountering a lot of resignation of defeat lately. Ayn Rand is pounding into my brain that nothing is granted, everything must be earned, honesty is respect, reality can't be faked. These are all things I believe in. I know that there is an existent repulsion for Rand's works, which I'm finding hard to understand. If someone could explain it to me, I would be grateful.