Dual Intrigue
As of late, I have been very interested in two things:
The first, and I've been intrigued by this for awhile but have recently become a bit obsessed by it, is the way people swing their arms. It is fascinating to me. I have had for a long time a theory that you can identify gay men by the way they swing their arms (elbows in, palms forward) but of course it is only a generalization. I'm not sure if there are any studies out there on the subject (arm swinging, in general) but I would love to read them.
Secondly, I've been pondering codependence, both generally and in regard to myself. It seems so incredibly foreign to me at times. It struck me the other day that I can't really imagine myself doing "couple" things. It seems bizarre, and not to say that if just seems foreign (which it does) but there is some tinge of repulsion also in the way I feel. It's interesting.
Fuck You, Linka
I'm so fucking sick of this wind bullshit. If it's windy today I might actually kill something.
Pieces
Today, I was about to complain to someone that I'm going to be single forever, but the words my mind conjured were "I'm going to be gay forever!" At this point I'm vastly at ease with the idea of being single for... ever... I've resigned myself to it. And while I'm also certain that I will not be, I have a hard time imagining myself actually settling down with someone. Which is not to say that I would rather whore around, I'm just completely comfortable being single and honestly feel far less neurotic when I am. Which is saying a lot, and not very much at all. And I think marriage is kind of weird.
I don't want this resignation to be misconstrued as defeat, though. Dating is not out of my control. If I wanted to date someone, I could. But I don't. Not any of these people. I seem to be encountering a lot of resignation of defeat lately. Ayn Rand is pounding into my brain that nothing is granted, everything must be earned, honesty is respect, reality can't be faked. These are all things I believe in. I know that there is an existent repulsion for Rand's works, which I'm finding hard to understand. If someone could explain it to me, I would be grateful.
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