Island Life

It may be that Tao Lin's writing is acting as a mirror of my own neuroses and independence and thrusting me into a newly extreme comfort with my own isolationism. I've slipped into this sublime happiness, headphones on, running minor and mostly unimportant errands and then stopping to eat and read more Tao Lin, or drink tea and read more Tao Lin.

Sometimes I feel like my here-friends and I have drained one another of the interesting things. Like we know enough from one another so we just kind of drift around each other like shells of once interesting people. Like balloons with mild gravity. Or static. I find myself more comfortable exploring the bounds of my own mind. It's just a feeling.

One Can Always Be More Attractive

This is what I've been thinking about all day. And it seems to be the way I'm living my life. I don't just mean physically. Yes, physical fitness is one realm of being attractive, but the perfect gym body is not the apex. You can be more socially developed. One can always be smarter. Better read. More compassionate. Funnier. The list is endless. My perfectionism is almost turning into a game. Who has time for a relationship when you're busy building yourself into the perfect being?

Why I Go to the Gym

I go to the gym because I like beating the shit out of my body. I like pushing myself until I can barely move and then relishing the dull ache. I like to push myself to the point of not being able to do a single rep more and then laugh at myself for my own failure. I go to the gym because I'm a masochist. I go to the gym because I'm a narcissist.

Let's Make "I feel..." Statements

I feel out of joint. I feel out of sorts. I feel torn in several directions. I feel lost. I feel like my life has turned into some strange game of living to please others, but there was never a transition from living any other way. I've simply had a realization.

I don't know what I want to do with my life. Finishing school looms over me like an insurmountable obstacle (though only in its tediousness) but the idea of staying in this town much longer is utterly crushing. Life seems to be passing me by in a flash, though I can't imagine packing any more into each day. I feel like I'm experiencing so much, but it's never enough. The daily saturation point seems to always be one book, one movie, one magazine, one news story, one video game, one concert, one album, one night with friends, one article of clothing, one laugh, one anecdote, one missing piece away. And then I wake up wondering what it's all for.

I'm thinking about moving. And while everything about it seems like the right idea, it seems very wrong. It feels like running away from responsibility (though to what I'm not sure).

We'll see.

A List of Currently Accurate Facts

1. I saw Owen Pallett live. It was amazing.

2. I am getting over a cold.

3. I had a drink thrown on me for correcting someone's grammar.

4. I am behind on my reading, though I'm doing better these days.

5. I've been at my crap job for a year.

6. I joined a gym.

7. Morocco > Las Vegas > Arizona

That gets us up to speed, just about.

Would You Be My Long Time Baby?

I've been a bit hush, thus far, about Beach House's newest release "Teen Dream". The truth is I feel an odd possessiveness for Beach House. I saw them many years ago when they were touring on their eponymous album and instantly fell deeply in love. Their music fills my heart beyond the point of breaking, track by track, again and again. And still I can't get enough. This makes it hard for me to discuss the band and their music with the casual listener or the half-hearted newcomer. It's a bit of a Muriel and Seymour situation, though I somehow stand on both sides of the inequality. But the moral of the story is that the new album is incredible, though to absolutely no surprise. It makes my heart soar, and crush; leap and implode.

More Words, More Notes

This is what has filled my week: Owen Pallett and Albert Camus.

Owen Pallett's new album is almost constantly stuck in my head these days. The album, at first listen, comes off as a bit charming, which it surely is, but to leave it at this would be an insult. The story he tells of a fantastic world is made far less whimsical than the music would sometimes lead you to believe by the constant depth of Pallett's lyrics. This album is one that needs to be listened to actively so as not to only appreciate it as catchy.

This is just another reason Pallett is one of my favorites:

The Analysis of A Vector into Two Or More Vectors of Which It Is The Sum

Homographicly speaking that is...

My resolution for this year was actually made for me by a group of friends. I was told that my resolution was to be nicer to people. I amended this by saying that I would try to be nicer to people I already know. I think that's fair.

My personal resolution for the year is that I've finally decided to jump on the book-a-week bandwagon. I had this loose goal last year of reading 100 pages a day which ended in utter failure. I definitely set myself up for that one.

Thus concludes this requisite and clichéd entry.